june 19

Careno, Lago di Como

si me das a elegir, blaring through my bluetooth speaker as I write this.

what a month June has been.

(apologies for the slight delay with this post, I was in Malta and laptopless for the first week of this month so I had no way of writing and posting this.)

for me, time tends to just clump into one big ugly mass, occasionally punctured into my memory by a specific event or feeling, like november 2018 which will forever be characterised by the overwhelming lonliness and depression that I was drowning in. or april of 2019 which I will remember by the trips I took to Valencia and Morocco. I would say that June is the same.

same but different.

same in that it is a month I don't think I will ever forget. but different in that it is unique and unforgettable in a novel way. a month I will look back on in 70 years time when I'm old and weak and frail and aged and I'll smile to myself and my heart will break into song and the faded washed out colours of life will be bright again because it was the month I truly lived my youth with reckless abandon and travelled and fell in love and kissed and ticked off firsts and oh my god I really have loved and let live or lived and then just let love take me from there...

with every new month that approaches, I simultaneously pine for the crisp white sterility of a whole unscathed four weeks ahead which I can take as I want...but I have found myself not wanting this month to end. I don't want to ever move on from the euphoria of this month. but, the prospect of new layers, new trips, more kisses, more love, more sleepy train rides and more days in the sun and new experiences provides solace. maybe june will never be replicated but it's a fucking amazing foundation for the rest of the year.

I don't know where I'm going with this (spot a pattern with all my other blog posts yet?) I'm surprising myself with my ability to write a blog post about a... month. but I guess I just wanted to say that although I haven't been the most consistent on here, I am in a really good place. suspiciously good but i'm taking it as it comes and just riding the wave till it breaks. everything is clicking into place and the next few months/years.../decades are drenched in hope and optimism. and I know that whatever way life goes from here, I will always have the month of june 19 to remind me of the good in life, that good things do happen and they happen when it's least expected.

I hope you have all had a wonderful month and that July is going well for you and summer is living up to all your expectations. and if not, then it's okay. things come in waves, yours is yet to break.

lots of love,
dalal